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HOW CAN I STAY SAFE

If you are alone at home:

  • Always tell a relative that you are at home alone.
  • If someone rings the bell or knocks at the door unexpectedly, NEVER open the door. Your relatives should let you know if they are coming to your home and your parents should have a key.
  • Do not mention over the phone or outside that you are or will be at home alone. If someone on the phone or on the door phone asks to talk to your parents, say that they are in the bath or make up some other excuse.
  • Always have the phone numbers of your relatives or friends at hand so you can call them if you feel afraid. In an emergency, dial 999.

PLEASE NOTE:
An emergency is when you need immediate help from the police, the fire brigade/department or a doctor.

When you are at home alone and there is an emergency:

»»  BE PREPARED IN ADVANCE

  • Talk to your parents about it and work together on an action plan in case an emergency occurs.

  • Sit down with your parents and write a list of important phone numbers that can be useful in an emergency.

  • Decide with your parents on where to go immediately in case of an
    emergency or dangerous situation (a specific place, a neighbour's home).

  • Ask your parents to explain what you should do if something happens when you are at home alone.

»» IN AN EMERGENCY

  • Dial 999. Explain calmly what is happening so that the person who answers your call can understand you well. Say your name and address and explain that your parents are not at home. Listen carefully to what you are told to do.

  • You can also call your mum and dad so that they can come back home as soon as possible.

  • Go to a safe place as quickly as possible.

 If you notice something strange is going on at school, for example if you spot people about from outside the school, talk to  a school staff member.

 If you see school classmates fighting,
the best way to resolve the situation is to let a school staff member know about what is going on immediately. They will only be able to help
if they know what is happening. If you feel it might be dangerous for you to solve the situation on your own, do not do it! Speaking to staff does not make you a ‘grass’!

 Opportunity makes the thief! Avoid leaving your school bag and belongings unattended. If you are playing make sure your things are nearby where you can see them. If you go to the toilet take your things with you.

 In some schools there are lockers. Get a padlock and you will have a safe place to store your school material and your personal objects. Lockers are normally placed in areas monitored by school staff, so are more secure. So, you don’t have to carry all your stuff while you go about school.

 Avoid carrying and displaying valuable objects such as a mobile phone, watch or laptop. If you have to use them, do it discretely. Normally, these objects are the most attractive to thieves.

 If a classmate asks you to do something you don’t want to or that you know is wrong, don’t do it! For more tips on this see How to resist peer pressure?

  • When you are doing outdoor activities choose colourful and bright clothes, since these are more noticeable to drivers.

  • Always wear a helmet, kneepads and elbow pads when you ride your bike or use your skateboard. If possible use the cycle routes or choose parks or areas with no traffic.

  • If you are in the car, always wear a seat belt (both in the back and front seats), even when it is just a short ride. Always remind your parents and the people you are with about the importance of using a seat belt. It is illegal not to wear a seatbelt.

  • If you are on foot, always walk on the pavement. The road is for cars and other vehicles.

  • If there is a zebra crossing always use it if you need to cross the road. Wait on the pavement until the road is free from cars and look both ways before you cross. If the road has crossing lights wait until the light is green for crossing.

    Safety on the street

    • Never carry a lot of cash or valuable objects.

    • Carry your mobile phone separately from other objects in case you need to use it quickly.

    • Always have your house keys at hand in case you need to use them in an emergency.

    • Do not show in public or in open areas the valuable objects you are carrying (for example, laptop, smartphone/mobile phone, mp3, mp4…).

    • Keep alert. If you use headphones, then choose the smaller darker ones. Don’t put up the volume so high that it prevents you from hearing what is happening around you.

    • Always zip up your rucksack or bag and keep them closed.

    • If you are on the pavement, always keep your rucksack or bag away from the road side.

    • Always try to walk with schoolmates or friends and choose well-lit and well-travelled streets you know. Nearby friends’ houses and shops are always safe places to go in case of emergency.

    • Before leaving home, always let someone you trust know where you are going and what route you are taking.

    • If you see someone you feel suspicious about, cross the road and walk on the other side of the street from him/her.

    • Do not accept lifts. Don’t take offers from people you don’t know.

    • Avoid passing near cars stopped by the pavement with the motor running and the driver inside. Go to the other side of the street.

    • If a car stops near you when you are on foot, change direction as soon as possible.

    • If you go about on a bike, skateboard or rollerblades, always wear helmet and knee pads. It will protect you in case you lose your balance and fall! It is important to always have a bicycle lock with you for securing your bike when you leave it.

    • If you feel concerned or frightened and think you might be in danger, call 999.

    • If someone grabs you or you think are being followed, shout as loud as possible and try to run away.

    Safety on public transport

    • Choose the bus, the underground or train carriages that have the most people or where your friends are.

    • Avoid deserted bus stops or train stations.

    • Sit as close as possible to the driver.

    • Choose to sit far from the entrance and exit doors.

    • If someone sits next to you and you feel uncomfortable, change seat.

    • Place your rucksack or bag on your lap when travelling.

    • Never leave your belongings unattended and always take them with you wherever you go.

      • While travelling it is important that you are aware of what is happening around: do not use headphones, laptop or mobile phone. If you have to use the phone choose a discrete ring or silent mode.

      • Do not show or leave visible large amounts of money (particularlynotes). If you have to buy something and pay with a high value note, do it discretely and put your change away immediately.


      Safety at the cash mashine

      • Choose cash machines that are placed inside banks. Besides the surveillance cameras, the presence of staff
        helps make the place safer. Using street cash machines is riskier because it is difficult to control what is happening around you.

      • Get as close as possible to the cash machine display, using your body. In this way, you prevent others from
        seeing what you are doing.

      • Use your free hand to cover the keyboard while you insert your pin.

      • If you have to withdraw cash, avoid other people seeing how much you are taking out. Put the money away as quickly as possible, as well as your card and receipt.


        Safety while shopping

        • Keep your belongings with you at all times: shopping bags, bag or rucksack.Don’t put them down while you continue shopping.

        • Don’t shop on your own. Invite your parents, siblings or friends.

        • Arrange a meeting place with the people you are with in case you lose each other while shopping. You can also call them.

        • If you realise you will be carrying too much shopping, choose to do some another time.

        • If you see any rucksack, suitcase or bag unattended, let security staff know.


          Safety at parties, bars and clubs

          • Don’t take highly valuable personal belongings.

          • Use attended cloakrooms to keep your belongings (for example, your coat and your bag). They are normally affordable (or even free of charge) and keep your belongings safe while you are enjoying yourself. To place belongings on the floor, even close to you, it is not a good option. You can also choose to carry your bag across the body so it is close to you.

          • Go out with a group of friends and always travel in a group.

          • Don’t give personal information to people you do not know, such as your address or phone number.

            • Remember, it is illegal to buy alcohol if you are under 18. Stick to water or soft drinks instead.

            • If you are legally allowed to drink alcohol, do it safely and in moderation. Be aware of the powerful effect alcohol has on your body and your behaviour. Under the influence of alcohol people may lose control over their own bodies, became more vulnerable and unable to resist or defend themselves if someone tries to take advantage, hurt or force them to do something.

            • Be aware of what you drink (water, soft drinks or alcohol). Don’t consume or taste drinks that are not yours, that you don’t know what they are or that are offered to you. Buy drinks in sealed containers and that you have watched the barman
              prepare.

            • Never leave your drink on the table while you are absent: always carry it with you.

            • Cover the glass or drink bottle with your hand. This will avoid anyone adding drugs to your drink. Remember that in these places there are drugs that can be used without you knowing to make it easier for someone to have sex with you, that make you fragile and unable to offer resistance.

            • Don’t mix alcohol consumption with other substances:

            • their interaction may have serious negative consequences for your health (for example, unconsciousness, respiratory and cardiac problems, death);

            • remember that alcohol should not be consumed if you are taking medication (check the medication leaflet for more information).

            • If you feel poorly or unwell look for your group of friends and ask them to leave with you.

            YOU SHOULD NEVER:

            • Give your personal details to people you know on the Internet: full name, ID card number (or that of any other identification document), landline or mobile number, address, number or information about your bank accounts or those of your parents.

            • Give personal information about your family and friends.

            • Fill in personal data when you receive an email that appears credible and from a legitimate source you usually deal with (for example, a course you saw on a website, or your bank), without first confirming the request with the source (e.g. bank) who supposedly made the request.

            • Create a blog in which you display personal information about yourself.

            • Fill in personal information on websites you don’t know or seem dodgy.

            • Open and reply to emails originating from senders you don’t know.

            • Share your password with people other than your parents (even if it’s your best friend).

            • Shop with a debit card.

            • Arrange to meet people you have met online.

            • Reply to provocative or inadequate messages or contacts (even if from someone you know).

            • Use the Internet to harm, cause damage or humiliate someone.

            PLEASE NOTE!


            The more information you place about yourself online, the greater the risk that someone could use it to harm you.


            YOU SHOULD ALWAYS:

            • Regularly update the virus checker on your computer.

            • Give your email only to people you know and reputable entities (websites, companies).

            • Protect your email with a spam filter to avoid receiving unsolicited email and adverts or emails from undesired senders.

            • Define your email’s privacy options to block emails from people and entities (websites, companies) you do not wish to receive information from.

            • Change your passwords regularly.

            • Always logout when you exit your email or a webpage that requires login.

            • Speak with an adult you trust every time you have doubts or concerns about something.

            • Don’t reply to provocative or unpleasant messages, keep those messages so you can inform the webpage or forum administrator.

            Social networks are websites where we can create a personal profile and contact other people. We can
            share news, photos, video or music with other people. We can also chat online.
            One of the most popular social networks is Facebook.

            These new technologies, when used inadequately, can also lead to involvement in risk behaviours.
            These online risk behaviours can affect our life offline. 

            Some of these are:

            • online abuse (to know more about online abuse click here).

            • sexting e cybersex: using new technologies to exchange sexual content or to participate in more
              or less explicit sexual acts through written or multimedia messages (photos, videos) and chatrooms and webcam.

            It may seem exciting to exchange this type of message with someone ‘special’, but take a few things into account before making your decision:

            • is the relationship with this ‘special’ person going to last forever?

            • can this ‘special’ person, whether or not they intend to hurt or harm, share or show the exchanged messages to another person?

            Remember that this type of act should always be very thought through when someone ‘special’ is on the other end. However, if on the other end, is a person you do not know, the answer should be only one: NO!
            Remember that your mobile phone, your computer or your Facebook account should make your daily life easier and more fun, and not harm, disturb or annoy you!

            Here are some tips on how to have a healthy relationship with new technologies and social networks…
             

            YOU SHOULD NEVER:

            • Provide personal information (address, the name of the school you attend, mobile phone number, passwords) about you, your family, friends and other people you know.

            • Share false information about other people to cause them harm.

            • Use social networks to hurt, offend or humiliate another person.

            • Share videos, photos or comments which you would be embarrassed by if seen by your parents or a teacher, for example.

            • Add people you don’t know, even if those people are adamant that they know you.

            • Reply to provocative or unpleasant messages, directed at you or your friends.

            • Use social networks to say or do things you were unable to say or do in person or in ‘real’ life.

            YOU SHOULD ALWAYS:

            • Set up a generic personal profile, just with your name (not your full name) and the county/region where you live, for example.

            • Choose profile photos that cannot identify you directly such as the photo of your pet, of a landscape where you went to on holidays or an abstract picture.

            • Make your profile private, that is, define your privacy options so your profile is seen just by your friends; do not give your social network password to anyone, even if someone pressures you to do it; if that happens speak with an adult you trust.

            • Keep your password for yourself. Don’t share it.

            • Think before you post. Think along these lines “What will my parents or teachers think of me if they see this?”.
              If the answer to the question is not exactly positive for you, then the best decision is not to publish! Remember that any information you publish (a comment, note, chat, video, photo) can be copied, posted, distributed and seen by many people.

            • Respect and treat those people you are connected with online the same way you would treat them in person.

            • Not reply to unpleasant, humiliating or intimidating messages that were sent to you and make sure you report the abusive content.

            • Accept the fact that your online contacts are not always available to talk with you.

            • Set limits for the daily time you spend socializing online. Think “If I can do it or say it in person why say it online or by text message?”

            • Allow time for yourself. You do not have to be online 24/7.

             Are there good and bad friends?

            Yes there are!

            Good friends…

            • support you;

            • listen to you;

            • worry about you;

            • respect you;

            • accept you as you are;

            • tell you the truth;

            • give you affection;

            • make you feel good.

            Bad friends…

            • manipulate you;

            • use you;

            • hurt you;

            • are aggressive or violent towards you;

            • say bad things about you;

            • make you feel sad.


            To know more about it, please see Bullying.

             How to be a good friend?

            Having friends is very important and is part of our growth, particularly when we are teenagers.

            Wespend much of the time with our friends and the challenges they experience are almost always the ones we also need to deal with ourselves.

            It is with them that we share the good things that happen to us. We also approach them for help and support when we have problems, feel sad or worried about something.

            Friends:

            • should support you when you need;
            • are available to listen to you when you need to get things off your chest;
            • make an effort to see things from your point of view;
            • do not force you to do things you don't want to do;
            • do not put you at risk;
            • respect you and your opinions, particularly when they are different from theirs;
            • accept that you have the right to have more friends and to spend time with them;
            • accept that you have the right to have your own space and privacy.

            PLEASE NOTE!


            You have duties towards your friends but they also have duties towards you!

            When this doesn’t happen, and we feel sad, anxious, uncomfortable or afraid, or when we realise that we make our friends feel this way, then something is wrong with that ‘friendship’.

            To know more, read How to resolve conflicts?

             How to support a friend?

            It is particularly important to be present and support our friends in hard times. However, do keep in mind that:

            • When a friend shares with you what is distressing or worrying him/her, you do not have to have all the answers or the right answers!
            • More important than to give advice is to give him/her time so that he or she can tell you what is going on.
            • It is important that you show your friend that you are willing to listen him/her carefully.
            • You should show your friend that you understand and that you will be by his/her side for whatever is necessary;
            • There will be problems that you can’t help solve, as much as you try or wish to! If you think that your friend is in a dangerous situation, look for help (even if your friend does not want that!).
            •Tell an adult you trust what's going on! Adults will only be able to help and protect your friend if they know what is happening!

            To know more, read What should I do?

             What to do when meeting someone?

            - THE FIRST IMPRESSION IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. Often we get a wrong opinion about someone when we first meet him/her. Do not take this impression as true.

            - TAKE INITIATIVE! For example, if you are with your friends in a place where there are many people or friends of your friends (such as a party or in the cinema), introduce yourself nicely and politely to people.

            - TALK. As you don't know the other person well, talk about neutral subjects (for example, "What school do you go to?") and do not ask personal questions (for example, "Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?"). These personal questions can make the person feel uneasy in your presence... it's better to ask them when you are more at ease with each other and trust each other.

            - ASK OPEN QUESTIONS (for example, "How do you know the friend who introduced us?"), rather than questions with yes or no responses.

            - ADDRESS THE PERSON BY HIS OR HER NAME. After someone is introduced to you (or after you took the initiative to introduce yourself), use his or her name in your conversation and in the questions you ask. Of course, you don’t have to do this every single
            time you say something to them, as that might sound strange! Using their name is not only a signal that you are paying attention to the conversation but it also makes the other person feel listened. If you don't remember the person's name, ask him or her politely to tell you it again.

            - LOOK AND SMILE. Keeping eye contact and smiling when you are talking to someone makes the other see you as someone approachable, nice and interested.


            - BEHAVE NATURALLY. The more naturally and at ease you behave, the more comfortable the other person will feel in your presence and the more easily your conversation will unfold.
             

            - KEEP IN TOUCH. If you enjoyed talking to someone you met, why don't you exchange email addresses, for example? But remember that it is important to stay safe! Do not provide personal information such as your address unnecessarily to someone you just met.

            - INVEST AND BE PATIENT. Friendships are not built overnight.

            Your group of friends is an example of a group, but there are others:

            • your class at school;
            • your school clubs (the Maths Club, the Sciences Club…);
            • associations;
            • sports clubs;
            • we shouldn't forget the gangs/violent groups of young people. To know more about this, see Gangs and group violence.

            Being part of a group gives us plenty of benefits:

            • it makes us feel protected, safe and supported;
            • it allows us to live and share experiences with others, from significant moments to simple daily activities;
            • it allows us to be with people we like and who mean something to us;
            • it strengthens friendships;
            • it provides well-being and comfort.

            Being part of a group also poses many challenges:

            • to be able to listen to others and pay attention to what they say;
            • to deal with opinions different from ours;
            • to be able to defend our opinions without hurting others or disrespecting their opinions;
            • to accept that we are not always right in relation to different issues;
            • to resolve conflicts and disagreements;
            • to say “no”;
            • to give in.

            Sometimes, because we are in a group, we do things we probably wouldn't do if we were alone, many of them wrong:

            • because we want to please the group we belong to;
            • because the group persuaded or pressured us, putting our opinions and beliefs in the background; (To know more, see How to resist peer pressure?);
            • because it's exciting and risky;
            • because at the time it sounded like a good idea;
            • because we hadn't thought through the consequences of doing something wrong.

            It is important to understand if belonging to a group brings us benefits or if it undermines us, making us feel bad or putting us in risky and dangerous situations (for both ourselves and others).

            It is dangerous when:

            • you and your group get involved in risky behaviours such as consuming alcohol or drugs;
            • you and your group get involved in fights with rival groups;
            • you and your group are physically or verbally aggressive to other young people as ‘a joke';
            • you and your group resort to violence to achieve something illegally (for example, to steal a mobile or a mp3);
            • you and your group skip classes to spend more time together in the street or other public spaces such as the cafe, the pub or the shopping centre.

            These types of dangerous situations are very common when you are part of a gang or a violent group. To know more see Gangs and group violence.

             What is peer pressure? 

            Peer pressure can be subtle... when you think you have to do something just because all your friends do it or because you think that most people your age do it.

            It can also be direct...when your friends in some way influence you either to do something that you wouldn't otherwise do or to stop doing something you used to do.

            Peer pressure can be positive when, for example:

            • you are willing to become as good a student as your friends and you make the effort to achieve that;

            • you start a sport / activity to be able to join your friends doing the same activities as them.


            Peer pressure can be negative when, for example, your friends influence you or pressure you to:

            • wear the same type of clothes as them;
            • smoke, drink alcohol or use drugs;
            • skip classes;
            • start dating;
            • start having sexual relationships;
            • humiliate, insult or attack someone.

             Why is it so difficult to resist pressure from your friends?

            • because you want to be accepted and be part of the group.
            • because you want to please.
            • because you like your friends.
            • because you are afraid of being excluded from the group if you don't comply.
            • because they threaten you or force you to comply.
            • because when you act the way they want you to you feel part of the group.


            True friends like you the way you are and they do not force you to be like them. If they force you to do something you feel uneasy with then they are not really your friends.

             How to deal with peer pressure?


            THINK whether what your friends are telling you to do is something you really want to do or not (ask yourself if you were already willing to do it before your friends suggested it). think also about what can happen if you say ‘yes’ and if you say ‘no’ to your friends. The consequences can be positive or negative.

            DECIDE what you want to do. If you think that the consequences of saying ‘yes’ are more negative than positive, then the best thing is to say ‘no’.

            TELL your friends what you want to do. This is particularly difficult when you have to say ‘no’...

            Refuse

            • “No, thanks!”
            • Give a reason – “Smoking? No! You get bad breath and yellow teeth!”
            • Make up an excuse – “I can't! I've arranged to go to the cinema!”
            •  Repeat many times “No"

            Postpone

            • “Not now. I'm not ready.”
            • “Sorry, my parents are waiting for me, we'll decide that later.”
            • “I'm busy just now, can we talk about it another time.”
            • “I need to talk to someone about that first.”

            SUGGEST something else to do (when you just said ‘no’ to your friends). On other hand, suggesting is a way of saying ‘no’ without saying it directly. That is negotiation!

            • “Why don't we do this instead?”
            • “Do you think we could find something we both like to do?”
            • “Why don't we go outside instead of doing that?”

            To be part of a group that gets involved in risky and illegal behaviours (such as theft, burning of rubbish bins or graffiti on bus stops) may seem appealing, due to the adrenaline rush, the (false) sensation of power over others and that we are
            untouchable … but we are not!

            Have a look at What are the consequences? and you will soon realise that the (apparent) advantages of being part of such groups lose weight and importance.

            If you are being pressured to be part of a violent group, there are strategies you can use to protect yourself:

            • Say No (search on How to resist peer pressure?).
            • Distance yourself from that group. If someone contacts you, don’t pick up, don’t reply to messages. Soon they will give up.
            • Get closer to friends you trust. Spend more time with them. When you have to go out, stay with these friends. Thus, even if someone from the other group sees you, they will not feel it so easy to approach you.
            • Talk to a trusted adult, particularly if someone has threatened to harm you or has done something to frighten  or hurt you. It is important that adults know what is going on so that they are able to help and protect you.

             PLEASE NOTE!

            No one has the right to force you to do something you do not want to, that you feel uncomfortable with or that you think is dangerous. Not even your friends have that right.

              Being part of a violent group or gang and wanting to get out is a courageous and difficult decision to take:

              • it is normal to feel frightened to leave the group and to be afraid of being alone after that;
              • we might be afraid that when leaving the group we may not have other friends to be with;
              • the group may have threatened or attacked us (or done that to someone else who has tried to leave);
              • we like the group (or at least some of the members) and do not want to lose their friendship or disappoint them.

              If you are part of such a group, but you want to leave it, it is very important to speak with someone you trust (and who is not part of the group):

              • with a friend (to get things off your chest and share your concerns and fears);
              • with your parents or another family member;
              • with a teacher, or other member of school staff.

               What is a conflict?

              A conflict is a normal event in our lives; it is a disagreement, a misunderstanding between people about
              ideas, values, opinions or behaviours.

              Often, it is expressed through negative behaviours and feelings, such as physical, psychological or verbal violence and anxiety. Violence may emerge as a NEGATIVE way to resolve a conflict. However, there are POSITIVE alternatives that may help you deal with challenging situations.

              Don’t forget that conflicts are part of relationships! What is important is to seek to resolve them in a positive way, without resorting to any form of aggression or violence.

               Which situations may cause conflicts between friends or classmates?

              • Not feeling accepted.
              • Having different opinions about subjects.
              • Not being able to decide what activity to undertake.
              • Pressuring the other to do things they don’t want to do.

               What strategies can I use to resolve a conflict?

              • Take time for yourself – try to calm down and think about the situation. Take a deep breath or go outside for example.
              • Recognise that there is a problem – try to talk about the problem with the other person saying that you don’t
                like what happened; deal with the situation without making personal accusations or pointing out the other's faults; focus on the problem, on what you think about what happened and how that made you feel. Explain calmly what you didn’t like in what he/she said or did and how that makes you feel. It is as important to show your opinion as to listen to the other person’s version.
              • Negotiate – talk to the other person and work together to reach a result you both can agree with.
              • Apologise if you think you were wrong – often a genuine apology is enough to end and resolve a conflict.
              • Ask an adult for help if you think you can’t resolve the matter on your own.

              Having a boyfriend or girlfriend can be really exciting, but it can also be a bit frightening.
              It is natural to have doubts about what could happen in the future and about the challenges for this new stage:

              • Does he or she really like me?
              • Will we be together forever?
              • Can I trust him or her?
              • What if he/she wants to start having sex? Shall I give in? How long should I wait?
              • What if I stop liking him/her? How can I tell him/her this?
              • How can we resolve conflicts and arguments?
              • What if I want to end the relationship?

              Facing new challenges is part of life. However, this will be easier if we feel happy, safe, and if we are able to assess the situation properly before taking any decision.

              The ideal would be to be able to discuss some of these issues with your boyfriend or girlfriend.  You could also
              talk to someone older and more experienced.

              There is one important point: it is normal to have doubts. Equally important is trying to get answers for all your questions.
              It is also important to be able to weigh up the "health" of our relationship. This can help us identify problems that may exist and then work on ways to solve them.

              The things we can feel, see and hear when we experience healthy relationships are very different from the things we can feel, see and hear in an unhealthy relationship.

              IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP...


              What sort of things do you see people do?

              - laughing;
              - having fun;
              - doing things together but also separately;
              - having their own interests;
              - being happy;
              - being independent;
              - not always alone with the other person (they have a group of friends);
              - they treat each other equally;
              - they treat each other with respect.

              What sort of things can you hear?

              - laughs;
              - positive and supportive comments;
              - words of encouragement;
              - praise.

              How do people feel? 

              - happy;
              - confident;
              - respected;
              - independent;
              - wanted;
              - supported;
              - listened to;
              - satisfied in their personal interests and needs.

              In healthy relationships there is:
              • RESPECT for each others' opinions.
              • TRUST in each other, that others will be by our side, even if they have opinions, behaviours or preferences different from ours.
              • SUPPORT, belief and mutual help.
              • SAFETY and sharing moments free of violence.
              • HONESTY and communication free of judgements, manipulations or accusations.
              • RESPONSIBILITY and awareness for the behaviours and attitudes displayed.
              • PERSONAL FREEDOM, without invading the other's space or using any type of violence.
              • NEGOTIATION, joint search for solutions for the conflicts and disagreements and accepting different opinions.
              IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP...


              What sort of things do you see people do?

              - being frightened;
              - being depressed;
              - always arguing;
              - unhappy;
              - controlling;
              - jealous;
              - without other friends;
              - excessively dependent on each other;
              - doing everything together;
              - personal interests are not fulfilled.

              What sort of things can you hear?

              - arguments;
              - crying;
              - insults;
              - rage;
              - complaints.

              How do people feel? 

              - empty;
              - frightened;
              - sad;
              - hopeless;
              - controlled;
              - isolated;
              - hurt;
              - afraid.

              In unhealthy relationships there is:

              • POWER, CONTROL and INTIMIDATION through verbal and physical actions that make us feel frightened.
              • ISOLATION and control of our steps, activities and friendships.
              • NEGATION of the negative impact of the aggressive, intimidating or violent behaviour on ourselves.
              • THREATS against us, our possessions or our relatives.
              • Physical VIOLENCE and verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual and/or financial ABUSE.

               PLEASE NOTE!

              Violence is an obstacle to the development of positive and healthy relationships. If you think that violence is present in your relationship, search on Dating violence to get more information.

                In any of our relationships we have RIGHTS, that is, behaviours and attitudes that we can expect from the people we have relationships with (friends, boyfriends / girlfriends).

                Some of those rights are:

                • To be respected, regardless of our gender, age, sexual orientation, nationality and cultural origins.
                • To be able to give our opinion.
                • To set our boundaries.
                • Not to be subjected to psychological, emotional, physical or sexual aggressions.
                • To say no.
                • To decide and choose freely, without pressures.
                • To have other friends.
                • To spend time with the people we like.
                • To have friends of the opposite sex.

                But there are also DUTIES, that is, behaviours and attitudes expected from us in our relationships with others.

                Some of those duties are:

                • To respect others, regardless of their gender, age, sexual orientation, nationality and cultural origins.
                • To accept the other's opinion, even if it is different from ours.
                • To respect the other's boundaries.
                • To listen.
                • To allow our friends to make their choices and take their decisions freely and without pressures.
                • To encourage our friends to have other friendships.
                • To give space to our friends to spend time with the people they like.
                • To accept that our friends can have friends of the opposite sex.

                 What is a conflict?

                A conflict is a normal event in our lives; it is a disagreement, a misunderstanding between people about
                ideas, values, opinions or behaviours.

                Often, it is expressed through negative behaviours and feelings, such as physical, psychological or verbal violence and anxiety.
                Violence may emerge as a NEGATIVE way to resolve a conflict. However, there are POSITIVE alternatives that may
                help you deal with challenging situations.

                Don’t forget that conflicts are part of relationships! What is important is to seek to resolve them in a positive way, without resorting to any form of aggression or violence.

                 Which situations may cause conflicts between teenagers who are dating each other?

                • Jealousy.
                • Pressures to start having sex.
                • Spending time with other friends.
                • Wanting to do different activities.

                 What strategies can I use to resolve a conflict?

                • Take time for yourself – try to calm down and think about the situation. Take a deep breath or go outside for example.
                • Recognise that there is a problem – try to talk about the problem with the other person, telling them that you don’t like what happened; deal with the situation without making personal accusations or pointing out the other's faults; focus on the problem, on what you think about what happened and how that made you feel. Explain calmly what you didn’t like in what he/she said or did and how that makes you feel. It is as important to express your opinion as to listen to the other person’s version.
                • Negotiate – talk to the other person and aim at jointly reaching a result you both can agree with.
                • Apologise if you think you were wrong – often a genuine apology is enough to end and resolve a conflict.
                • Ask an adult for help if you think you can’t resolve the matter on your own.

                Ending a relationship is never easy, but it might be the better solution if you don't feel happy anymore, if you no longer identify with the other person or if you don't like this person as much as you wished to.

                • Try to be discrete. Not everybody needs to know about it. A quiet place or with few people might be the best.
                • Do not break up by phone, email, text message or letter. That can hurt the other person. The best is to do it face-to-face.
                • Explain the reason why you want to break up.
                • Talk honestly, firmly (without being insensitive towards the other) and don’t step back or show uncertainty about the decision you are taking. For the other person, hearing "the best option is for us to break up" is different from "I think... maybe... it might be better if we stop seeing each other". If you hesitate when telling your boyfriend or girlfriend about your decision you might be giving him or her false hopes about a getting back together in future.
                • Do not get angry and do not blame the other for your decision.
                • Respect and understand the possible negative reactions from your boyfriend or girlfriend. It is natural that initially your boyfriend or girlfriend might feel angry or say something to hurt you.
                • Try to understand your boyfriend's or girlfriend's reactions by putting yourself in his or her place: what would you feel if someone wanted to break up with you?
                • If you don't think it is possible for you two to remain friends, do not consider or mention it.

                 My boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me! What can I do to get over it?

                You have the right to feel sad, to cry and be angry about what the other has just done, or to feel let down by him/her.

                Even so, do not forget that just because you are suffering you do not have the right to insult, hurt or cause injuries to the person who broke up with you.

                We have some suggestions for you to get over this difficult period:

                • Time is a good healer. Despite feeling bad at this moment, you must believe that you'll get better as days go by.
                • Talk to your friends, your parents or other people you trust. They can give you advice and a different perspective on your situation. By talking about the break up, you can also let out your negative feelings and thoughts.
                • Take your mind off this: spend more time with your friends doing something you really enjoy (for example, go for a walk, go to the beach, watch some movies). Being with your friends is a way of keeping yourself active and thinking about something else.
                • Try something different or new you have been considering doing for some time: enrolling on a course, trying a new activity or an extreme sport.
                • Spoil yourself: treat yourself to some  relaxing moments or pamper yourself (for example, buy clothes, a game or a CD or change your look).
                • Never forget that the end of that relationship is not the end of your life. You can take the opportunity to dedicate time to areas of your life that you have been putting a bit aside: for example, your studies, spending time with your siblings and your parents.

                 My 'ex' did not accept the end of our relationship and won’t bothering me (calling me, leaving comments on my profile, following me everywhere). What can I do to resolve this?

                • Do not undermine what is happening and don’t try to convince yourself that the situation will resolve itself or that he/she will eventually give up. This type of behavior should be taken seriously..
                • Do not feel guilty. He/she is the only person responsible for what is happening.
                • Tell him/her clearly that you do not like what he/she is doing, that it is making you feel uncomfortable and that you want him/her to stop contacting you:
                • You can do it by phone, in a public place or in the presence of a person whom you trust.
                • Do not do it personally. He/she can react badly to what you say, have unexpected reactions or even aggressive attitudes.
                • If he/she continues to contact you, even after you have requested not to do so, do not reply or react in any way. The best approach is to ignore him/her. If contacts are made on the internet, you can search on Online Safety for more advice.
                • If he/she sent romantic gifts in an attempt to "buy” your affection, do not return it. Returning can be seen as an incentive for his/her behavior. It is best to keep everything (they can be used as proof of what is happening).
                • Write down all the incidents that happen (what has happened, when, where, how many times) and save all the evidence you have of their contacts (SMS, MMS, missed calls, incoming mail, letters, notes, postcards).
                • Talk to someone you trust and share what is happening. Talk to your parents and people closest to you and ask them to not reply or give information, in case they receive a contact from him/her.
                • You can also call Childline .The support is free and confidential.
                • Keep yourself safe:
                • change your routines (e.g. the route to school);
                • do the activities you have planned in the company of others;
                • avoid isolated places and areas you do not know well;
                • keep important contacts in the speed-dial on your phone, in case you need to ask for help;
                • in an emergency situation (e.g. you are being followed or threatened) you can call 999.  

                Parents influence the way their children think, their values and their likes. During childhood, it is common to adopt our parents' ideas and points of view. These changes for
                teenagers... we become more critical about our parents' ideas and opinions and, often, we try to oppose and challenge them.

                Teenage years are a stage where conflicts with parents are normal and frequent.

                Although disagreements between children and parents can increase during the children's teenage years, many teenagers get along well with their families.

                Family is a place of comfort, affection, care and love. At home with our family we feel safe, protected and loved.

                All children or young people have the right to expect their parents or carers:

                • to give them the attention, affection and love they require and need;
                • to protect them from danger and keep them safe;
                • to take charge of, help and supervise their hygiene, food provision, health and education;
                • not to force them to perform tasks and jobs unsuited for their age and that can undermine their development;
                • to protect them from any form of violence.

                 ARE THERE OTHER RIGHTS WHICH MAY PROTECT ALL CHILDREN?

                There are a set of legal rights for everyone around the world under the age of 18.
                 
                Since 20 November 1989, when the United Nations General Assembly adopted the CONVENTION ON THE RIGHTS OF THE CHILD, several countries agreed to follow the same laws to protect all children and young people under 18.

                The Convention spells out the range of rights to which children everywhere are entitled. It sets basic standards for children’s well-being at different stages of their development and is the first universal, legally binding code of child rights in history.

                The Convention states that everyone under the age of 18, regardless of gender, origin, religion or possible disabilities, needs special care and protection because children are often the most vulnerable.

                Although the Convention has 54 articles in all, it is guided by four fundamental principles:

                • NON-DISCRIMINATION. Everyone under 18 should neither benefit nor suffer because of race, color, gender, language, religion, or national, social or ethnic origin, or because of any political or other opinion; because of caste,
                  property or birth status; or because of disability.

                • THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD. Laws and actions affecting children should put children and young people best interests first and benefit them in the best possible way.

                • SURVIVAL, DEVELOPMENT AND PROTECTION. The authorities in all countries must protect all children and young
                  people under 18 and help ensure their full development – physical, spiritual, moral and social.

                • PARTICIPATION. Children and young people under 18 have a right to have their say in decisions that affect them, and to have opinions taken into account.

                You can search here for more information about this issue and to learn more about HUMAN RIGHTS.

                 What is a conflict?

                A conflict is a normal event in our lives; it is a disagreement, a misunderstanding between people about
                ideas, values, opinions or behaviours.

                Often, it is expressed through negative behaviours and feelings, such as physical, psychological or verbal violence and anxiety.

                Violence may emerge as a NEGATIVE way to resolve a conflict. However, there are POSITIVE alternatives that may
                help you deal with challenging situations.

                Don’t forget that conflicts are part of relationships! What is important is to seek to resolve them in a positive way, without resorting to any form of aggression or violence.  

                 Which situations may cause conflicts between teenagers and their parents?

                • What time to come home.
                • Amount of pocket money.
                • Household chores.
                • School performance.
                • Missing classes.
                • Not telling things to parents or lying.
                • Breaking parents’ rules.

                 Which situations may cause conflicts between siblings?

                • Sharing the same things and the same space.
                • Different rules and privileges imposed by the parents, due to the  age difference between brothers and sisters.
                • Rivalry caused by school performance, birthday presents, or ‘treats’ that each sibling receives from their parents and relatives.

                 What strategies can I use to resolve a conflict?

                • Take time for yourself – try to calm down and think about the situation. Take a deep breath or go outside for example.
                • Recognise that there is a problem – try to talk about the problem with the other person telling them you don’t like what happened; deal with the situation without making personal accusations or pointing out the other's faults; focus on the problem, on what you think about what happened and how that made you feel. Explain calmly what you didn’t like in what he/she said or did and how that makes you feel. It is as important to show your opinion as to listen to the other person’s version.
                • Negotiate – talk to the other person and aim at jointly reaching a result you both can agree with.
                • Apologise if you think you were wrong – often a genuine apology is enough to end and resolve a conflict.
                • Ask an adult for help if you think you can’t resolve the matter on your own.

                Victim Support Scotland

                • Victim Support Scotland can help you and your family.  Victim Support Scotland offers information, support and advice to help you deal with what has happened. They also offer support if you have to attend Court to give evidence.
                • You can contact Victim Support Scotland by looking in the phonebook or searching the website for your nearest office. Or you can phone their helpline.
                • Helpline:  0845 603 9213
                • Website: www.victimsupportsco.org.uk

                Childline

                • Childline is a free and confidential 24 hour helpline for young people. Childline’s trained counsellors provide help, support and advice on a wide range of issues, including bullying, sexual abuse and domestic violence.
                • There are a number of ways you can contact Childline: by phone, email, 1-2-1 chat online. You can also take part in online discussion boards and get support from others who have been through similar experiences. 
                • Tel: 0800 11 11
                • Website: www.childline.org.uk

                Kidscape

                • Kidscape provides information and advice for young people who are being bullied.
                • Website: www.kidscape.org.uk

                Choices for Life

                The Hideout

                • This website provides information to help young people understand domestic abuse and what to do if it is happening to you.
                • Website: www.thehideout.org.uk

                Barnardo’s

                • UK’s children’s charity who works with children, young people and their families. Provides support and counselling for children and young people who have been abused, forgotten and neglected.
                • Website: www.barnardos.org.uk

                Scottish Commissioner for Children and Young People

                • Provides information about your rights and protects them, ensuring that you are listened and that your rights are taken into consideration.
                • Website: www.sccyp.org.uk

                Scottish Children’s Reporter Administration

                • Provides information about the Children’s Hearing System.
                • Telephone (Head Office): 0300 200 1555
                • Website: www.scra.gov.uk
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